Step Parenting Teenagers

Step parenting teenagers is no doubt the most difficult of ventures that I have taken on as a parent. I started out with an optimistic outlook, which was quickly turned to pessimism by a few of the children. Basically, one of our four expresses total acceptance of the “new family”.

For my kids, I think that they are still hurting from the divorce. My husband’s kids seem to be well over the divorce of their parents. There seems to be hint of jealousy and quite a bit of selfishness all the way around. Of course, our children were trained differently as well, which also presents frustration in step parenting teenagers.

Here are some resources that might be useful in step parenting teenagers who have been through a divorce...

It is crucial to realize that the kids of a divorce experience emotional pain and that divorce can be the most tragic time of their lives. It might be beneficial to you in helping them recover to watch the video Raising Children of Divorce: Practical Help for Parents, DVD.

Raising Children of Divorce: Practical Help for Parents, DVD By Paraclete Video Productions / Paraclete Press The divorce of one's parents is a traumatic event in a child's life. The biggest concern for almost all divorcing parents is how their children will be hurt by the breakup and what they should do to help their children. To parents and adults who work with children, Raising Children of Divorce will give concrete ways to help children through divorce. Hosted by Dr. Philip Stahl, this video is an invaluable resource in walking children through one of the most difficult times they will ever face. Features Philip M. Stahl, Ph.D., a divorced father and psychologist specializing in high-conflict divorce. Running time: 35minutes.

Marie Lenart also wrote a book A Child of Divorce that might prove useful in raising young kids or step parenting teenagers.

A Child of Divorce By Marie LeNart / A. B. Publishing A lack of concern for the sanctity of marriage and the family usually inflicts the greatest pain on the innocent. The poor choices and uncontrolled desires of one generation are the pain and suffering of the generation that follows. The unhappiness, anger, abandonment, and shame that these children endure is nearly impossible to describe. In A Child of Divorce Jean and Truman bring us face to face with realities of such a torn life. Such an experience should make us cherish the family that we have, and ever increase our love and compassion for those who suffer abandonment.

Jill Krementz also wrote an interesting book titled How It Feels When Parents Divorce which includes insight gathered from 19 kids about their personal feelings along with their choice behaviors in dealing with it. This can explain some of the behavior that comes with step parenting teenagers. This book could be helpful to both parents, step parents and children of divorce.

How It Feels When Parents Divorce By Jill Krementz / Random House, Inc In this immensely moving book, nineteen boys and girls, from seven to sixteen years old and from highly diverse backgrounds, share with us their deepest feelings about their parent's divorce. By listening to them, all children of divorced parents can find constructive ways to help themselves through this difficult time. And they will learn that their own shock and anger, confusion and pain, have been experienced by others and are normal and appropriate. These boys and girls speak with extraordinary honesty and tolerance, and with a remarkable absence of rationalization, illusion, or attempt to justify their own often - trying behavior in response to their situations. Their stories are immediate and convincing, and their generosity in confiding their feelings should provide comfort to children and parents alike.

What if the other parent died?

Beyond a shadow of a doubt, the death of a parent is difficult to get over and the supposed “replacement” of that parent with a step parent can be totally unacceptable from a child’s or teen’s point of view, which can complicate step parenting teenagers. Jill Krementz also wrote a book titled How It Feels When a Parent Dies for children, teens, parents and step parents of children who have lost one of their parents.

How It Feels When a Parent Dies By Jill Krementz / Random House, Inc In this moving and insightful book about what it means to children when a parent dies, eighteen children, boys and girls, black and white, from seven to sixteen years old-speak openly, honestly, unreservedly, of their experiences and feelings. And as they speak we see them in photographs-with their surviving parent, with thier brothers and sisters, with their pets, in the midst of their everyday lives. Their stories are set down here so that children experiencing the loss of a mother or a father may know that others have felt that same anguish and guilt, confusion and anger-and that these feelings are normal, even appropriate. It is liberating to listen to these children speak from their hearts on so profoundly personal and important a subject, and to realize how their words may be of help and comfort, whether read by a child alone or shared with a parent.

The Art of Helping: What to Say and Do When Someone is Hurting teaches uplifting principles of what to say and do when talking to someone who is hurting. It may prove useful in step parenting teenagers.

The Art of Helping: What to Say and Do When Someone is Hurting By Lauren Littauer Briggs / David C. Cook All of us have wanted to offer comfort and support to someone experiencing the intense pain of loss, but we simply don't know what to say to someone facing divorce, the death of a child, cancer, the loss of a job, infertility, an estranged or rebellious child, a chronic illness, and the other tough issues of life. The Art of Helping is presented with those times in mind. Find out the best way to express your feeling in a positive, uplifting manner that a hurting person will understand and appreciate.

Dealing with jealousy and selfishness while step parenting teenagers?

You might benefit from Paul A. Hauck’s book Overcoming Jealousy & Possessiveness. As a psychotherapist, he points out that jealousy is “a learned emotion” and he provides principles for overcoming it. In the absence of jealously and possessiveness, it seems that step parenting teenagers would be much easier.

Overcoming Jealousy & Possessiveness By Paul A. Hauck / Westminster / John Knox Psychotherapist Paul Hauck, whose popular books have brought help and advice to countless readers, now shows how jealousy and possessiveness--often the most tragic emotions-can be overcome. Applying the principles of Rational Emotive Therapy, Hauck demonstrates how jealousy is a learned emotion and can be unlearned once you understand why you are jealous and begin to think in new ways about yourself and others.

There are tons of resources for overcoming sins, but many don’t realize that selfishness and jealousy are also deceptive sins that we have learned to live with. Jerry Bridges’ book Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate may prove to be useful.

Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate By Jerry Bridges / NavPress As Christians, we believe that all sins are considered equal in God's eyes. Yet while evangelicals continue to decry the Big Ones---such as abortion, adultery, and violence---we often overlook more deceptive sins. It seems we've created a sliding scale where gossip, jealousy, and selfishness comfortably exist within the church. In short, some sins have simply become acceptable. Bridges, bestselling author of The Pursuit of Holiness, believes that just as culture has lost the concept of sin, the church faces the same danger. Jerry writes not from a sense of achievement, but from the trenches of his own personal battles. Drawing from scriptural truth, he sheds light on subtle behaviors that can derail our spiritual growth. Throughout, Jerry encourages a victory over personal sin through the gospel's transforming power, the perfect release for those who desire to thoughtfully examine their lives and discover a deeper walk with God.

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